From the desk of Cpt. 5ubliminal of S.S. 5ubliminal!
Let me tell you a bit about me. I was just like you: an e-loser. I was so poor I couldn't even use the public toilette and sometimes I didn't even have enough money to cross the street. Struggling for existence I took a HTML For Dumbasses book and it saved my online career. The truth and real truth is …
… that I started from a trailer park where I was living due to bankruptcy, playing guitar and sometimes hitting the beach like a bum that I am and my house burned down but I saved my manuscripts with some ideas I never implemented and they made me rich overnight online while working on a shoestring budget and creating video tutorials because some folks think more MB mean more value or just can't read and now I earn millions inside a hospital room where I ended up when I broke my right hand punching another right jerk like me because he mollested my kangaroos and bullied my cow while I was on the jon and now I type and make money only with my left hand benefiting from great sales-letter long-ass pages written by the most ripped-off copywriter alive claiming to review products that I never even used promoted on my many AdWords accounts registered under hidden indentities as X because I can't SEO for shit unlike that other guy who sells wedding stuff online since forever so he obviously ranks and his chubby insane medieval-weapon salesman self-cookie stuffing side-kick who are successfull and want to teach me some too and that feeling gives me butterflies and dreams of money siphons shooting their financial loads all over me because I can mass control suckers using methods of persuasion, giving out specifics, inducing fear and anxiety and creating urge by giving deadlines into paying me hard to teach them my super yet paganly unorthodox traffic secrets written in the webmaster manifesto which I write using magic mind-maps that I sell at over-priced and over-hyped seminars where I hire professional enthusiasm builders to lift their social-media addicted spirits and lighten their pockets while having them do silly stuff in the conference rooms and subscribe to my hard-to-unsubscribe slow-to-deliver printed noob-level news-letters and magazines that will ensure my, my family's and my cats and mutts financial continuity well-being (and chinese chow) which I can easily prove using my photoshop-ed checks and questionable clickbank reports plus photos of cribs and cars from magazines with uber-millionaires.
PS: Imagine what you could make with your both hands: twice as much … pleasure!
Pretty sure I had you at hello but the haters need proof. These are some pictures I just took of my stuff to prove I'm worth it!
People have been amazed by my skills and products. I've been featured on several magazines like MONEY MAKING GURUS, RUTHLESS ON YOUR POCKETS, CREDIT CARD PREDATOR, NATURAL BORN LIER, DECIVING TACTIX, I'M RICH, YOU'RE MY BITCH and other successfull online marketer materials! I'm also as good As Seen On TV.
Act fast to get my secrets as money making gurus are out to get me for exposing hypersensitive stuff and revealing the methods that pour money into their bank accounts everyday like clockwork. My methods are made of the stuff of lengeds: PURE AWESOMENESS.
Remember, I don't know for how long I can let you in on the top money making secrets of the rich and infamous.
Hurry UP! I hear bangings on my door. I'll hold them off as long as I can but you need to hurry. It's a loosing battle! Aaaahhhhh …
What I've just written is a parody, a sarcastic compressed version of any crappy sales-letter page out there promoting a lot, yet saying nothing clear, with a single goal in mind: Getting you money before you know what hit you! It's lame and low and pretty much sums up the entire internet marketing scene (If I missed anyone let me know and I'll stick it somewhere). Those are mind games, easy to do but each time you employ them you chip a bit of your self-esteem and honour. Yeah! It puts something back in your pockets but some just can't live with their lowlife over-hyped selves.
So I'll keep it short. If you are on this page you probably:
But, if you don't know me at all … you're not alone because no one does.
I write software and I do it mostly for passion but also for a living. For the past 3+ years I've redirected myself towards SEO and its siblings and let's say that, as any coder, I ended up letting software work for me. Why else am I a coder for? Slowly I slipped to the dark side of SEO and I've been there ever sience.
Obviously I'm into white-hat too but blackhat is so much cooler. White sites + blackhat promotion kicks rank. I have a detailed understanding of many SEO concepts especially the technical stuff.
Not star-stuck already? Optin and I'll keep you updated and do read my new blackhat seo blog!
